The early morning music of the chirping birds, draws me out of my sleep. I groan and roll over, trying to fall asleep again, just to be pulled right back into reality through the jolt of the blaring alarm clock. I press snooze once, twice, many more times, before deciding that today is the day whereby I'm going to work late. (I work flexitime, so I can.) I turn off the clock and roll back over to sleep. At this moment, I feel that I can sleep the whole day away.
Alas, fifteen minutes pass and my body starts to protest to my decision knowing full well, that I should have been up hours ago. I get out of bed in a fairly "okeyish" mood; a mood that is calm with a hint of a humour.
The rest of the day progresses fairly uneventfully. The big boss is not in the office; always a good thing. The manager is not in the office; also a good thing, though I miss the big fellow. He is always entertaining to be around. He makes it worthwhile to come into the office. Work has always been "work" for me. It has always been the people that have always motivated me, but today's story is not about the office.
It's Friday, and for a Friday I leave fairly late the office and go home. My awesome man opens up the door for me (which is sweet) and we decide to go shopping. It is that boring, uneventful type of shopping....grocery shopping. Firstly, let me state that I'm not a shopper. I know this is a shock! A woman who does not like shopping, but it is true.
Slowly, this pleasant person that I was throughout the day, becomes a fire breathing dragon with the passing of each second at the grocers. The dragon begins to left off puffs of smoke with the continuous sounds that keep coming out of Mike "Oh I don't like this" and "I don't like that". I slowly begin to lose the control over the pressure cooker's lid.We get home. I put on some music to create an ambient environment. My first mistake, I choose Def Leppard. Their music is anything far from chilled. I should have stuck with something from Lounge. Mike loves the music so much so, that the volume goes up by many notches. Second mistake. A headache starts to persist. I tolerate loud music, but I need to be in the mood for it. Today, is not the day, especially during dinner. We can not talk, and I was not going to shout. Final mistake, Mike tells me that we don't have to talk each and every time during dinner...um...what if I want to talk...?
All hell breaks loose. I cannot explain why. Its not like I am in control of my body. All I wanted and had in mind was to have a quiet evening relaxing, with the man I love and some chilled music in the background, with maybe even a glass of wine. Instead, the wicked witch of the west comes out. It's in moments like this where I wish I still had my own space. I could drive away and be with myself, instead I place my poor man through my terrible mood swings. I never use to go through this before, or maybe I was never aware of it before. I do feel sorry for him. Each month he has to deal with this terror.
I try and pick fights for things that we should not even fight about. Everything starts to irritate me. I feel like a puppet master had turned on a switch and has taken control of my strings. I feel like the "dancer" and far from the "human". I cannot seem to stop.
