Moving House

A few weeks ago, Mike (not the real name) and I returned back from an overseas trip. We were exhausted and on top of it all I was highly apprehensive as I needed to make a decision about my future. As a woman, I require some form of commitment from my man.

I placed a deadline where he needed to make a decision.  That time had arrived and there was no decision being communicated. (I know this makes me sound like a b***h, but if you knew Mike, you would understand that he needs, how do I say this, a little motivation...)

Mike lost his job last year, and he was not prepared to make any formal commit to me, just yet. He has this idea that if he should ever propose, he should be able to provide for the woman. It's a noble idea, granted. Now that he was unemployed, how could he provide, and as such how could he propose. This left me with the difficult decision of do I stay or do I go? I can tell you that it's not the most pleasant of places to be in, especially since I love the guy.

Our first evening back in town, over dinner, we discussed the difficult situation I found myself in. We had been with each other for three and a half years. I don't want to be one of those girls that books are written about....you know the book of "He's Just not that in to you." by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I don't want to be strung along until he finds someone better.

He surprised me that evening. He asked me to move in with him. I was highly sceptical since the last time he asked me to move in, he backed out just as quickly.

I went silent, probably for the first time in my life. I listened carefully to all that he was saying. He wanted me to move in. He did not want me to move in because I would support him financially. He did not want me to contribute to his bond. He wanted me to move in because it was time to take this relationship to the next level.

I asked politely: "How long will this arrangement be for?"
"Six Months. If we can live with each other for six months then we should be able to live with each other for sixty years."

Being a guy who is not a romantic, I thought this was the closest thing to him being romantic.

He was serious! He does love me! He also wants to give me more! All I have to do is just be patient.

So the next day the move started. I started to bring around six boxes each day from my place. The amount that would fit into my car. The one thing I can honestly say is that I hate moving, as I'm sure many others do as well. All I wanted was for the move to be over and for life to continue, even though it had just started.

Not even a few days in, the stress started to get to me. The reality of what I was doing and the situation I was getting myself into financially, started to seriously dawn on me. As much as he protested, the reality was that I would be the sole provider for the next year (or the last six months of the year....) while he went back to studying and converted his diploma to a degree.

I was moving my entire house, with very little help, on my own and this was starting to seriously put a strain on me, mentally and physically. The fact that we stopped talking. We became distant physically as well. I was trying real hard to move on with life and to make it as painless for him as possible. He was busy processing the speed at which things started to progress, and everything else that was going on in his life.

All of this tension made me collapse. Thank goodness! Yes, thank goodness. It forced us to finally speak. It made us voice our concerns to each other. As we continued to talk, the stress started to ease. Once again we reconnected and felt close to each other again.

After a week and a half, all my things were in the house. Finally! All that remained is the unpacking of the last few boxes.

Throughout this whole experience, which has only been a few weeks into this new year, I can honestly say: "I have a HUGE amount of respect to all couples living together." I have also learnt that communication and compromise (from both sides) are paramount to making any relationship survive.

So here is a toast to communication.

Emotional Roller Coaster Ride

Emotional Roller Coaster Ride

It was a beautiful 2012 Palm Sunday morning with a crisp morning breeze. It was the start of winter. I was happy to be waking up next to Mike (I changed the name to protect the identity of the person involved). I'm a 30-something career driven woman. One of my many dreams is to have a loving and happy life with a partner to share in my aspirations.

I bought my first apartment and after two years of waiting for the development to be completed, I was finally moving into my brand spanking newly built apartment. I was excited to to be finally moving out of home, out from under my mother's iron grip. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother dearly and would do anything for her. There just comes a point in a woman's life when a she needs to create her own home. In my case, I desperately wanted to spread my wings and find some freedom.

Both me and Mike moved some boxes across to the new apartment and we took some measurements. The smell of new paint and a clean apartment drew my excitement out into the open. My head was spinning with the many future ideas of how to decorate the place. The more I thought and planned, the more I realised that most of my already acquired worldly possessions would not fit into the apartment. The concern started to make me worry about where I would place everything. Jokingly I poked Mike and said: "Maybe I should move in with you, or we should swap houses." Mike lives in a three bedroom home with a beautiful small enough garden with a pool. The ideal starter home!

Much to my surprise he responded: "Maybe you should." This caused me to rethink my current position in life. As much as I have always wanted myself and Mike to live together, the reality of it actually materialising was much to much for me to handle. We both agreed to discuss it some further and that maybe we should not over think the decision but rather live in the moment. The decision was mine however, to make.

Throughout the day, I tried to process the idea and asked some small questions around how the arrangement would work. The more I thought about it the more my excitement grew. I tried desperately to manage the excitement and for it not to take over my emotional well being. I knew Mike well enough not to push him. I tried to limit the amount of time we talked about the decision, fearing that he might have second thoughts about it.

Among the many ideas floating though my mind, one suggestion he made was the possibility of swapping my fridge for his, since it would be a better fit into the tiny apartment, should we not move in together.

Later that evening, a normal ritual for us, I received a phone call from him letting me know that he arrived safely at home. He also informed me the measurements to his fridge. Since we spoke of my moving in with him, I assumed the swapping of fridges was a thing of the past, so it came as a bit of a surprise when he told me the fridges's measurements. Soon after that Mike informs me: "Maybe we should stick to the original plan."
"The original plan?"
"You move into your place. If you need a place to store your things, you can at my place."
"Oh! What happened to us discussing the other idea?"
"I don't feel comfortable about it."
"I thought this was my decision to make."
"I'm sorry I gave you the wrong impression."
We agreed to discuss it further another day, but I knew full well, that there was nothing more to discuss. He may think he made the decision, but I knew better. I knew from the very start that it was just too good to be true, and just the dashed hope and the anger of the decision being made for me, made me crumple into tears.

After three years of being with Mike, I hoped that the relationship would finally have progressed. That night, I cried myself to sleep, with the pending question of where exactly were we heading?

The following morning, after a good nights sleep, I made up my mind. I decided to follow my instinct. It had after all never let me down. I would move into my apartment, even though the excitement of it was dampened, I would not be defeated. I would move in with all my things and not take anything from him. I had lived for so long without relying upon anyone and I would continue to do so. I would defy all odds. My heart might be sore, but my spirit was strong.