Thursday, June 20, 2013

Sting like a Bee


For many years I have had childhood memories go through my mind, and I have decided to share them. I was encouraged by friends to do it. I then came across a talk show on TV, where the author spoke about writing the things that happened to him during his childhood, and this was enough of a push for me to do it.

My earliest childhood memory was when I was four years old. My family lived in a town-house that had a central pool enclosed in a face brick wall. It had criss-cross corners, which made it any child's dream to conquer the great wall. In front of the pool area was a green open grassy field. This was right out side our unit. We had a garden with a small wall that enclosed it and there was a small gate the lead out into this grassy field. The whole complex felt safe, and I could always go out and play.

I had befriended the neighbourhood boy. He was slightly older and taller than me, so when he ran, I was always left behind. He never did it on purpose and he always tried to include me. He lived in a flat in the same complex. Sometime I would run over and find him so we could play.

We use to explore the surrounding area. One of my favourite memories is the days we ate clover leaves. We would always look for the four leaf one as it would bring us luck. Till this day I am still look for that four leaf clover. I don't eat them any more though.

One day while we were out on our exploration we came across a closed up man hole. We heard some major buzzing noises coming out beneath the cover. We weren't sure what it was. He had the idea of getting some branches that we could stick into the cover. Off we go to find a tree where we could break some branches off. He climbed the tree and threw down the branches towards me. We both grab our branch and trot off to the cover. In those days, the covers had open slots. He gave me one warning. "Run like hell when the buzzing gets loud."

We shoved our branches into the slots and started shoving them up and down. Before we knew, the buzzing started to rise and intensifying in sound. He screamed, "RUN!!!" He started running. We were neck and neck, he was slightly faster and I started losing ground. I was running my heart out. Panic started catching up. I tripped. I fell flat down to the ground, screaming. The bees were on top of me. Stinging me everywhere and anywhere they could land. I closed my eyes. Screaming.

My poor mother heavily pregnant heard my screams and in a panic ran out to get me. In her haste she tripped and fell. Thankfully she and my sister were fine. She was shaken up but had to get to me. When my mommy finally got to me, I was already bearing multiple welts from the stings. She carried my very red poker dotted and sore body back home. She lay me down on the couch and fetched the necessary tools to start the removal process of the stings. One by painfully swollen one, she removed them all.

Since that day I have not poked fun at bees and have had the hugest amount of respect towards them. I was lucky to not to have developed an allergic reaction to them. The greatest thing I took from that day was never listen to boys that do stupid things.

With Love
Ania

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

A Flicker of Light



The past few weeks since my emotional crash, I have been on a journey of self discovery. It has not been easy and it continues to not be an easy journey. Each day that goes by, raises many more questions. What is my life's purpose? I keep reprimanding myself because I use my head way to much. I keep trying to answer the question by throwing myself into work. Running 3 jobs is not easy. It has not answered any questions over the years. It has only made it a lot harder to find the answer.

I thought that my soul was getting lost until that turning point in my life. Well, the soul never gets lost, it only starts to scream. Through that ranting, I realised that I need to start listening to the heart. To that inner voice. Seeing that I have been trained to think for so many years with my brain, this will be one of the hardest challenges. Still the mind and open the heart. I know that in a very distant past when I did listen to that "gutt feeling", I have never been lead astray. So with patience and love to myself, I will relearn to follow my heart and listen to the inner intuition.

To some people what I am about to say may make me sound lunny. In all honesty, all that matters is what works for me. I have been asking the angels to guide me. I must say, since I started asking for guidance, every night I have been having very vivid dreams. Up until this point, my dreams over the past few years became less and less, almost to the point of non-existence. Since I have started talking with the angels again, I have dreamt every night. I wake up with words in my mind that I would never have thought of in a million years.

I still don't know what is my life's purpose. All I do know is as each day dawns, so does the chance of self discovery. I know in my heart as I find peace in my mind so will my eyes be opened. At the end of the day, it is not about being right but about the experience and lessons we gain at being better than our self. I may say these words, and at the end of the day, after fighting with co-workers and the boyfriend, I am reminded of my humanity and all my faults. These are the challenges that have been given to me in order to try and overcome them in becoming a great being of light.

I came across a saying while writing this blog, and I leave this with you as we part.

"Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only to stand still." Chinese wisdom

With love
Ania