Beginner Sewing Project - Toddler pants

Happy Easter to everyone. Hope you got to spend it with family, like I did.

I would love to hear all the tricks that you got up to since it was April fool's day. Maybe you told the kids that there would be no Easter eggs... lol. Cruel but so funny.

We did our first Easter egg hunt with my daughter. She loved it. It was really the first time that she was more aware of what is going on.

On the other hand at the start of the long weekend, I bought myself a sewing machine instead of chocolates for Easter. I have wanted a machine for many years. A sewing machine always comes handy at home, and now with little ones...even more so.

I got myself the Brother Innovis NV180. I was told, I had the last one in the country. They were only getting more later this month. Be as it may be, I can see why the machine is so popular. When you are selling a machine as a 3 in 1 combo, it can be very attractive. It is a cute machine and functional. You can sew and embroider on it. The third function they are selling is quilting, though that never interested me. Above all, I need to be able to sew, and the added bonus for me is the embroidery function.

I got the machine and unpacked it on Friday. Ran a few test stitches through it, and was totally impressed.

I went off to the shops on Saturday to buy all the fabric and thread for the number of projects I have lined up for myself to do...as if I did not have enough already... I am planning to make my daughter a range of pants for winter and a small backpack for her. She is always grabbing my handbag, so now she will have her own bag (once I have made it).

On Sunday evening, I cut up one of her old pants and sketched up a pattern from it. I needed an extra pair of hands since, one person has to hold the elasticated part open, while the other person traces out the outline. I added 2 centimeters all around. 1 centimeter for the seam and the additional 1 centimeter growth (in total 2 centimeters). I really wanted to start cutting up the material, but it was late and dark, and I didn't want to chance the possibility of making a mistake.

Monday morning, I got stuck right into it. It is amazing how much energy one can find with a new toy in the house... I used my new blade and glided through the fleece. In 30 seconds I had my material cut. The next three and half hours were spent sewing the edges and putting the pieces together. I'm sure the next lot will go faster, now that I know what to do.

The pants also have an additional 2 centimeters to the bottom seam of the leg part of the pants, so as she grows, I can extend the pants, without having to make new ones. It does feel a bit bulky, but the extra weight helps straighten the length of the pants. With a few washes, it will become more compressed and not so bulky.

The second time around while the long side of the leg seam was still not sew together, I first sewed the bottom seam of the legs, then sewed the seam of the long side of the legs together. After that, I rolled the bottom part up again and sewed that. It was a bit of a tight area to work in, but the reason behind me doing it that way, was because when it will come to the time of extending the legs, I will not have to undo the long seam in order to extend the pants. The first time round, I sewed the long side together and then worked in the small space sewing the bottom seam and then rolling it up again, and it was tight and time consuming to work in such a small space. (You learn with experience.)

The image below is the waist band being sewn. I leave a centimeter gap so I can weave in the elastic. The best way to weave it it, is pin a safety pin to it and glide the safety pin with the elastic attached through the hoop. Once you get back to the starting point, you pull the end of the elastic band out and sew the one end to the other end. Be careful not to let the end of the elastic disappear into the hoop while you are weaving the safety pin, otherwise, you will have to start all over again.

I never took photos throughout the process of sewing but will try to add some photos when I do the next lot. In the end, I was so impressed with my very novice skills that I managed to produce a fairly decent piece of clothing. Isabella loved it! She was so proud that she was showing them off to the family and would not take them off for the entire afternoon. It made making them that much more worth it and all I want to do, is make some more for her.

Here is a picture of the finished product.

Update: I made another pair, and this time round, I took a few more photos. I also took me half the time to sew it all together. All photos have been added to the rest of the blog. I cut the pattern out multiple times, and will start bulk sewing the next colour. I have some material left over, and will need to see if I can find a pattern to make her a top.

Gynecologists and what they should say

You have got to love doctors.

For most of you who already know me, you will know that I am a firm believer of doing things as naturally as possible. That goes for everything in life. I believe that God made this world full of abundant nutrients that can heal your body and keep you healthy. I do not run to the doctor with every ailment. I do believe that there is a place for the doctors in this world, but I also have seen that they have gone beyond taking the time to know you and your history and family history. They are far too quick to prescribe medications and see you off in 15 mins at hundreds, if not thousands of rands.

So why did I start with that statement?

At my 12 week pregnancy check-up the doctor instilled fear into me. She did her measurements of the baby and got vastly different measurements of the neck flap. Immediately, she says that I need to go for a highly expensive blood test that is currently only done in the UK for down syndromes. This test would deplete my medical savings account by a third. I still have to consider all the next appointments that I need to do throughout the pregnancy and still give birth...

Well needless to say, you have got to love doctors and all their scientific gadgets and statistics.

Let's fast forward to today. I never did the test. My husband and I decided that we would not abort, no matter what. So in the end it was not worth spending all that money. I am now 20 weeks pregnant and had to see her again for the major scan. Today she checks all the "soft" markers for downs, and guess what...? The baby is perfectly healthy. It has all it's digits, everything is where it is supposed to be. I have a perfect baby growing inside of my belly.

A perfectly straight leg

"Hi Mom." All five figures.

So what doctor's should be saying is, let's look at your family history. I see that there is no case of abnormalities in your family. All the individuals in your family are genetically strong and healthy and even though I have this concern, I believe you are in good health and shape and will give rise to a perfect baby.

She did the same thing with me in my first pregnancy. She was worried about placenta previa at 12 weeks. In the end, I did not need the added stress in my pregnancy. We as mothers, need to protect our unborn children and keep them safe from the bad outside world.

In addition, any doctor that suggests to a pregnant woman to inject herself with a virus (the flu) clearly is so absorbed with science and stats, that they fail to realize that centuries have past and we are currently sitting on a population with over 7 billion people. Why would  you want to inject yourself with a virus!? My body, which was created by God himself, is a perfect haven for my unborn child. Should I get sick, it will be because I did not take good care of myself both physically, emotionally and spiritually. There are women living in worse conditions, and give birth to strong and healthy babies. I understand, not everyone is as fortunate and my heart goes out to them.

So as I say. You have to love the doctors. You also need to have nervous of steal and be steadfast in your belief, whether you are for or against western medicine. Know your facts from either side and make a knowledgeable decision.

Hosea 4:6 says "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge; because you have rejected knowledge, I reject you from being a priest to me. And since you have forgotten the law of your God, I also will forget your children."

This verse is profound in acquiring knowledge about medicine and remembering how medicine should fit into the laws of God. I understand that there are fanatics out there that will sell you every bad story there is. That is why it is important to look in your heart and work through the rubbish and see the truth. One such truth if you look between all the Christian preaching is the truth in what they put into the vaccines. This is but a small portion of our medical development. I will not dive into that here. I will simply leave a few links with you. I pray that the truth will set you free (so to speak) and you can make a decision that is not based on the fear which was instilled into you by the doctors of today.

I enjoy the science and the statistics of today. I also know when things have gone overboard. I will thus love and leave you, till next time.

Links:

1. The Truth about Vaccines - A powerful series of documetaries on vaccines

2. God Does Not Support Vaccines - A Christian view on how the laws of God have been broken in developing vaccines.

3. History of Vaccines - Regular articles are published with news and information about various vaccines

Daily Planner

This past week, I have tried to get my life a little bit more organised. I have always loved using a diary, but over the past few years, I have just not had the time to buy one, or I start in the new year and the momentum of using it quickly wanes, like all new year resolutions. I have tried using an electronic version, but I'm a paper and pen type of lady.

This time around, I have to be diligent. I have so many projects and To Do things, that everything is simply starting to fall apart and my frustration levels are rising fast and furious together with the pregnancy mood swings and thus affecting my marriage.

I'm no expert at daily planner beatification, and there are plenty of people out there that will tell you how to create a planner and maintain it. I feel this is personal and should work for you. I need some colour and some element of fun. I'm not at the point of using highlighters and pictures or simply converting the planner to a mini scrapbook.

I also didn't have the time to sit and create my own planner so I hunted around the internet and found some free printable pages for a planner. These pages can be found on DIY Home Sweet Home. All the pages where printed on an A5 sheet of paper as I don't have the space to carry around a large book. I didn't have A5 paper, so I simply cut an A4 page into half and printed on them as if they were A5 pages.

I found an old folder lying around and it now houses my planner. I still have to find a binding method that I like and one that is actually sold in South Africa, hence why you will see string weaved through the pages to keep them together. I believe the importance is the content...the pretty will come with time and last a long time. I'm open to any suggestions that you may have, so send me a message.

I love the fact that you can plan your weekly recipes (and you don't have to stick to it but use it as a guide.) It helps me use up the groceries that are in my fridge and thus minimize the amount of waste, and we use to throw away a lot. (I hang my head in shame...) I also printed out the cleaning house schedule. My domestic comes to clean my house twice a week and I need to make sure I stay on top of the big jobs, rather than land up guessing what needs to be done next.

I bought printable white vinyl and downloaded some free pictures of stickers online. The vinyl came in a roll that was too large to feed into my printer. The sides of the vinyl were slightly longer than the length of an A4 page, so I measured out the width of an A4 page and cut the vinyl to match the width. It made the printing onto it easier. I then used my silhouette to cut out these images. A huge learning curve with the silhouette is do not remove the cutting mat after you have printed your designs. For some reason, it tries to cut the images far larger than they are even though you have the registration lines. So keep the mat and viola...you have perfectly cut out stickers.

I won't lie, it took me some time to find what I liked, and select the images I wanted to keep. If you are not new at this, you would have probably created a library of images that you could refer to. I'm in the process of building up my library. However, if you are like me, just starting out or just simply need some additional inspiration. I have listed some of the webpages I have used at the bottom of this post. An alternative is google images and use the words "Daily Planner Stickers". Loads of options to pick from. In your search options, you can set your settings to large images and you will find many better quality images that you can use. Remember to use this for your personal benefit and not to do this for resale purposes.

I needed some numbering for the pages and the names of the months, so I created my own labels.

This is what the pages looked without stickers.

What the pages look after adding in some stickers:

Stickers on the Monthly Planner:

There is still some work to do on the Daily Planner, but already, I am starting to feel a sense of accomplishment as I have started crossing off the tasks on my very long To Do list.

See you next time.


List of images to get you started:

Motivational Quotes: www.beautyholicsanonymous.com

Planner Stickers:
cutedaisy.com
amberdowns.net

Planner Stickers and how to use your silhouette: www.studiocalico.com

A Long Time

It has been a while since my last post. Quite a while!

I got married. Tried changing career paths. Got retrenched. Dealt with a car theft - such an invasion of privacy (all of these will be in later posts) and now I have the most beautiful toddler daughter and I have another baby on the way. We have also been busy with renovations in between all of this. Talk about a whirl wind, but at the same time, a real blessing.

My baby girl, Isabella has been a true blessing. As most mom's out there will know, having a toddler and being pregnant at the same time is quite a challenge in itself. That's a picture of the two of us.

This ball of energy running and squealing around the house, and I mean squealing like only a little girl knows how; while you are trying to get supper ready and maybe, just maybe, you can try to find a break to put your feet up.... pretty much impossible with a busy toddler. Not to mention, the first few months of the second pregnancy were filled with morning sickness. (Whoever called it morning sickness did not realise that, it can be a full day occurrence and not just a sickness in the morning.) In my case I was worse in the late afternoon. The nausea was debilitating. I felt so useless. I had to lie down most evenings and almost every second day, the flood gates to the water works would open up. Talk about losing your self control.

I tried so many things to help the "morning sickness". I couldn't stand the thought of ginger (over did that in my first pregnancy). I eventually came across mint. I tried mint sweets, had to find an alternative as I was worried about tooth cavities. I came across Halls mint and they helped, but I was worried about the chemical composition and the effect it would have on the baby. Eventually, I started drinking mint tea. Not only is it soothing to the soul, but the tummy was soothed as well. The nausea never disappeared, but it became bearable to deal with.

After week 17 or was it 18, I was starting to feel more like a human again. Still tired, but capable of at least getting my house back into some semblance of order. Was able to make a toddler stand in the last 2 weeks - with the help from my handy husband. (Another post for another day.) Now I am just needing to gather the energy to tackle my daughter's cupboard and make some space in her room for additional furniture that we need to buy, in preparation for the baby's arrival and having to move Isabella to a big bed.

So many things to do and so little time. Until next time, take care and if you are in the same boat like me, try to stay awake.

Running in Crazy Shoes

Over the weekend, after moaning that I needed to get fit and lose some of my flabby tummy, my friend managed to convince me to start running with him. To start small we will start to run on the track. As a warm up exercise we will run 2.5 km. In my mind I am screaming, "WHAT the hell!!!" Already I am coming with every excuse as to why I cannot run. I suffer with exercise induced asthma. The terrible stitches in my side that I will for sure experience. I keep playing in my mind: "What have I gotten myself into?"

Needless to say the day arrived. I got home from work with enough time to change. The weather was not particularly good. I phoned my friend to find out if we are still doing this, or we are cancelling due to the rain. To my avail, no such luck. We go running. To my surprise, the weather holds up.

He picks me up a little later. We arrive at the track. No stretching, no nothing. We go straight into it. For the warm up, we ran about 800 meter (I am guessing the distance because it was not on the track but to a gate and back.) I was relieved about not having to do a 2.5 kilometer one. Needless to say. I could not maintain a run throughout. I thought I was going to die and my lungs were on fire! My asthma kicked in on the silly warm up. I started to worry. How am I going to survive the entire training when I can barely run 800 meters? Thankfully I have a stubborn streak in me, and pushed myself through it all. I may not have run, but I did the distance alternating between a run and a walk. We get back. I try to ease the burn in my chest. At this point I have given up all regard to looking good. Red in the face, heaving away.

Finally stretching begins. The instructor goes and starts asking the newbies how much running they do. The lowest I heard was 5 kilometers. Boy did I feel like an idiot when it was my turn. I raised my hand and showed a big fat zero for me. To my surprise, he was completely unperturbed by it.

Once the stretches and skipping were done, we all were given a task. Mine was to run around the track 4 times. Four times 400 meters! Talk about a task that felt extremely daunting. I thought to myself: "This guy has got to be nuts!!". Other members had to run 10 times round. I guess 4 versus 10 was not so bad.

Once again, thanks to this stubborn streak, I decided that I will give it a good try and hope to not collapse halfway. Off I go. First round. Run half the field, walk a quarter, run the rest. Rest two minutes. Second round. Run 3 quarters of the field, walk the rest. The muscles are warm at this stage. They were feeling glorious. I cannot remember a time when they felt so good. Like they were finally doing something they were designed to do. After the three minute break, time for the third round. Run half the field, walk a quarter, run the rest. Fourth round. Run three quarters, walk a small section and run the rest. I arrived to the group and collapse on my back.

"Uh," says one of the ladies, "You must still do 10 push-ups and 10 sit-ups."

I'm like "WHAT!! Have you lost your mind??"

Needless to say, I did it. I survived. I slept like a baby that night. Now, I am even contemplating going back.

PS: If I can do it, so can you.

I came across this today, if you are thinking of running and need to ease into it, unlike me :-)

Neila Rey's From Walking to Running in 30 days.

Blogging

Since I started with my new blog (just click on the Scrapping tab above to go check it out), which is all about scrapping, making cards, albums, etc. I feel like I have received a new sense of life. I am bursting with the excitement and the large amount of posts I can/could share. I am limited though, that I cannot share the photos that will be on these spreads on the blog. I will need to protect the innocents from the world wide web. Though that will not stop me...from sharing my ideas.

I'm wondering on how far I should take it...Since I did call the blog Scrapping Collection... I don't know if it would be appropriate to share my soap making experience and the various DIY projects.

Bugger, should have thought of this more properly...Oh well, I guess that means another blog... lol

Anyways, this is a whole new journey. An exciting one at that. Hope to see you all at the other side.

With Love
Ania

Scrapping

I started up a new blog where I will be sharing my scrapping projects. Why don't you come and visit the site at http://scrappingcollection.blogspot.com/

I have also placed the link on this blog, however some of you that are receiving the mail feedbacks just might miss out on the new posts at scrapping collection.

Come and see the cool stuff, I create.

With Love
Ania

Wedding Baggage

Weddings. Like every little girl and little girl within every grown up woman, I have so many dreams of my wedding day, what I want, the smells, the sounds. How the whole occasion will look and feel. My fairy tale wedding is all I have been able to think about since the moment I started liking boys. But over the years I have had to realise that fairy tales don't exist. A prince in shining armour does not come to save you. Yet every time a conversation turns to some weddings or marriages topic, I can't help but wonder when my day will arrive. Each time I think of it, I pull myself right back into reality. That day may never arrive at the rate my relationship seems to move. In the end of the day, I land up disappointed and really upset. This seems to happen each and every time.

I started to wonder why this topic keeps affecting me. Why does it get under my skin so much? Why do I feel so despondent? Sure after 4 years Mike has still not proposed, don't even know if he will. It almost feels like everything he has said just seems like it is not happening. He said after 6 months he would let me know where the relationship will go, and now we are into the seventh month, I still don't know. Over and above all this, I feel that there is more to it than just that.

Currently, I have a UTI and I read that the emotions that are linked to it are anger towards the opposite sex. A lady at my scrapping group also mentioned to me that it may be linked to fear. I started to wonder as to what was I afraid of? I thought it may be the possibility of Mike leaving me, or the fact that he may never propose, to which I will be forced to leave him. I continued to rack my brain. My thoughts lead me towards all my breakups with my ex's.

Break ups. The hardest and possibly one of the most traumatic episodes a person can go through. Mine, well, I love so much that sometimes I feel I'm short of being a dog. I'm loyal to all my partners. I give all of myself to them. I'm honest and I really love them with all my heart. Ryan and I were on and off for 2.5 years. He was my first. I thought there would be no other. I did everything I could for him. I changed for him. Then when we decided to take a break, that week he slept with someone else. When he told me, I was devastated. Yet, as an idiot I took him back and convinced myself that we would get through this and everything would be great again. Well it ended, for good, a couple of weeks later. I was left distraught. I did not know, what to do. I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest. It took me a year to recover.

Then there was Craig. A German. He was the type of guy I never thought I would fall for. He was not the most attractive guy, and yet I fell for him. We were together for 1.5 years. Almost as long as he was in the country. Towards the end of his contract I was getting scared as to where our relationship was going. I had placed all my dreams on going with him. There was no other choice. The morning of the breakup, we had awesome sex and then, we started talking about the future. We had to make a decision. Mine was to stay with him, naturally, even though in my gut I knew this wasn't going to happen. He came over to my place that evening, and neatly handed over all my things to me in a plastic bag, and said that we were over. Once again I was distraught. All my dreams came crashing down. I suddenly was left with no future. I ate and slept and watched movies for the entire month. I simply existed. After that, for two weekends in a row, I was drunk out of my head. Then I started putting the pieces together again.

I thought I was not angry at men, and as I ran through the thoughts and emotions that are still linked to my history, I realised just how angry I really am. I was able to suppress it for so long to the point of not feeling it, but under it all. I'm really angry. I'm real mad. Who cheats on a loving girlfriend? Who sleeps with the girl and later the same day, breaks up with them? Who finds another person so quickly and then sleeps with them? Who can be so heartless?

So maybe I'm not ready to get married and commit my life to a new person, when I still have so much unfinished baggage. Maybe this whole journey with the physical complications was what I needed just so I could wake up. I know that with time, I would have found my answer and be "cured" by which stage, Mike and I would be ready to be One.

Until next time with more drama and insight
Ania

Sting like a Bee

For many years I have had childhood memories go through my mind, and I have decided to share them. I was encouraged by friends to do it. I then came across a talk show on TV, where the author spoke about writing the things that happened to him during his childhood, and this was enough of a push for me to do it.

My earliest childhood memory was when I was four years old. My family lived in a town-house that had a central pool enclosed in a face brick wall. It had criss-cross corners, which made it any child's dream to conquer the great wall. In front of the pool area was a green open grassy field. This was right out side our unit. We had a garden with a small wall that enclosed it and there was a small gate the lead out into this grassy field. The whole complex felt safe, and I could always go out and play.

I had befriended the neighbourhood boy. He was slightly older and taller than me, so when he ran, I was always left behind. He never did it on purpose and he always tried to include me. He lived in a flat in the same complex. Sometime I would run over and find him so we could play.

We use to explore the surrounding area. One of my favourite memories is the days we ate clover leaves. We would always look for the four leaf one as it would bring us luck. Till this day I am still look for that four leaf clover. I don't eat them any more though.

One day while we were out on our exploration we came across a closed up man hole. We heard some major buzzing noises coming out beneath the cover. We weren't sure what it was. He had the idea of getting some branches that we could stick into the cover. Off we go to find a tree where we could break some branches off. He climbed the tree and threw down the branches towards me. We both grab our branch and trot off to the cover. In those days, the covers had open slots. He gave me one warning. "Run like hell when the buzzing gets loud."

We shoved our branches into the slots and started shoving them up and down. Before we knew, the buzzing started to rise and intensifying in sound. He screamed, "RUN!!!" He started running. We were neck and neck, he was slightly faster and I started losing ground. I was running my heart out. Panic started catching up. I tripped. I fell flat down to the ground, screaming. The bees were on top of me. Stinging me everywhere and anywhere they could land. I closed my eyes. Screaming.

My poor mother heavily pregnant heard my screams and in a panic ran out to get me. In her haste she tripped and fell. Thankfully she and my sister were fine. She was shaken up but had to get to me. When my mommy finally got to me, I was already bearing multiple welts from the stings. She carried my very red poker dotted and sore body back home. She lay me down on the couch and fetched the necessary tools to start the removal process of the stings. One by painfully swollen one, she removed them all.

Since that day I have not poked fun at bees and have had the hugest amount of respect towards them. I was lucky to not to have developed an allergic reaction to them. The greatest thing I took from that day was never listen to boys that do stupid things.

With Love
Ania

A Flicker of Light

The past few weeks since my emotional crash, I have been on a journey of self discovery. It has not been easy and it continues to not be an easy journey. Each day that goes by, raises many more questions. What is my life's purpose? I keep reprimanding myself because I use my head way to much. I keep trying to answer the question by throwing myself into work. Running 3 jobs is not easy. It has not answered any questions over the years. It has only made it a lot harder to find the answer.

I thought that my soul was getting lost until that turning point in my life. Well, the soul never gets lost, it only starts to scream. Through that ranting, I realised that I need to start listening to the heart. To that inner voice. Seeing that I have been trained to think for so many years with my brain, this will be one of the hardest challenges. Still the mind and open the heart. I know that in a very distant past when I did listen to that "gutt feeling", I have never been lead astray. So with patience and love to myself, I will relearn to follow my heart and listen to the inner intuition.

To some people what I am about to say may make me sound lunny. In all honesty, all that matters is what works for me. I have been asking the angels to guide me. I must say, since I started asking for guidance, every night I have been having very vivid dreams. Up until this point, my dreams over the past few years became less and less, almost to the point of non-existence. Since I have started talking with the angels again, I have dreamt every night. I wake up with words in my mind that I would never have thought of in a million years.

I still don't know what is my life's purpose. All I do know is as each day dawns, so does the chance of self discovery. I know in my heart as I find peace in my mind so will my eyes be opened. At the end of the day, it is not about being right but about the experience and lessons we gain at being better than our self. I may say these words, and at the end of the day, after fighting with co-workers and the boyfriend, I am reminded of my humanity and all my faults. These are the challenges that have been given to me in order to try and overcome them in becoming a great being of light.

I came across a saying while writing this blog, and I leave this with you as we part.

"Do not fear going forward slowly, fear only to stand still." Chinese wisdom

With love
Ania

A Simple Life

Yesterday I wrote that I made an important decision that would change my life. Throughout the day I felt so sick that I could not eat even though my body was hungry. My mind could not calm down and my emotions were off the charts. I really did not know what was happening.

Slowly gathering the pieces over the past few days, I realised that this life changing decision was actually the wrong decision for me. Not everyone needs to be supper dupper wealthy. Some people are quite happy living a simple comfortable life. I so happen to be one of those people.

I'm not a quitter, but at the same time, I will not ignore my body when it speaks this loudly. Debbie Shapiro with her book "Your Body Speaks Your Mind" says that there are reasons behind the way our body reacts. I figured out what was mine.

I sent in my cancellation letter and almost immediately I started to feel better. Yes, there are still some left over after effects, but as the day progresses so too do they disappear.

The realisation of me not wanting huge wealth and just wanting a simple comfortable life filled with fun was ground breaking. This may seem so simple to some. I just have to ask, how many of the people out there remember this when they go about their daily lives. How many remember to find the joy in what they do, no matter how simple the task is, like pouring a cup of tea for some it may be coffee. The sound of the soothing water as it pours into the cup, the smell of the tea as it brews. The warmth of the cup as you take it into your hands. How many people out there enjoy the simplicity that life has to offer?

In a way, Sunday did change my life. If I had not taken that step I would still be chasing my tail in the pursuit of happiness, when it has been around me the whole time.

Taking the Step

Yesterday, I may have made the most important decision of my life. A very costly one at that.

I have always tried various ways to acquire wealth but I realised yesterday that I actually need a business coach. The same way a tennis player needs a coach or any other sports man or woman. So I took the plunge.

Currently, at this very moment, I am going through a world of emotions. Doubt. Fear. Disbelief even the feeling of wanting to quit. I know in my mind that that would be the worse decision I could make and would regret it if I did not follow through.

I am concerned of where the money will come from - Do I have enough?

Then I ask is my idea for my business a viable one.

At this very moment, my emotions are wild. My body is hungry and my appetite is gone.

I hope I have made the right decision.

Remember Me

Birthdays! They suck! A day where there is such high expectations of people remembering it. A day where one is somehow always left disappointed. It may be because it was not be the greatest gift you receive or the fact that the one person you wanted to remember, did not, or simply that you find yourself in an argument. Everyday life....just happens.

I would like one person to honestly tell me that they have had a perfect birthday. Just one. If that one person could answer all my probing questions and make me believe that it was not such a drag, then maybe, I would start to believe in a happy day. All I ask is one person to change my view.

You may ask: "Why the cynical view?"

Well....A few weeks ago I had my birthday. My boyfriend wanted to throw me a special get together since I refuse to throw another birthday party. It was meant to be a surprise but in the end, he left it so late that friends started asking if I was doing anything for this birthday. I asked him and he had forgotten to arrange. So an expectation was created. How does one avoid these sneaky expectations from creeping up? The birthday braai was small, low attendance.

Each year I try not telling anyone it's my birthday and each year I fail. Each year I try not having expectations and each year I fail. This year was no different. This year one of our friends was having their engagement party on my birthday. I was fine with it, but not entirely. I had the choice of going or not going, but I was not going to tell Mike not to see his friend. So we went. I joked with them about throwing a party on my day.


Finally the day arrives. I get woken up with a birthday wish and a hug and a kiss. The day started out well. Got to open my presents and then went to run errands. I decided to buy myself a gift as well. I get back home around midday and saw that Mike had done the house chores while I was gone. It was sweet and considerate of him. However, he seemed to be in a mood. This mood persisted and eventually we ended up fighting and going to the party angry with each other.

At the party, the couple greeted us, and yet there were no well wishes. I wondered if they even remembered. I sat quietly. The speeches came and went and still nothing. Mike also kept quiet. Eventually, it became too much for me. So instead of spoiling the party for everyone else, I removed myself. I walked some distance away from the gathering and sat with myself. Trying to calm my nerves and emotions, while trying to enjoy the sunset.

That day, I felt alone.

I was feeling selfish.

I was embarrassed that I felt like that.

That day, I wanted to crawl deep into my hole.



Once I had calmed down, I went back to the party in a very sombre mood. Not really talking to anyone. I don't know if anyone noticed. All I wanted to do was disappear.

Mike pulled me outside again to talk. Instead of talking we landed up in a screaming match. Eventually, we both calmed down and started to talk rationally expressing our feelings of hurt, insecurities and pain.

We got back to the party afterwards. I sat down on the couch in a dark corner, quietly and on my own.

Out of the blue, the host calls everyone's attention and announces that it was my birthday. I honestly thought they forgot. I feel highly embarrassed.  I could feel my face was on fire and again I just wanted to crawl into my hole.

I thought they forgot. I really thought they forgot, but they remembered. They remembered!

I realised that evening that we has human beings, all we ever want out of this life is to be remembered.

My wish for everyone is that they surround themselves with people that will remember them. People that will always be there for you. There are a handful of people in everyone's lives that we can always count on.

Remember them.

They remember you.

The Great Trek

My man and I have been travelling this journey for a while now. Each uphill and downhill, each twist and turn has broken us and rebuilt us. This event in our lives has been no different.

Mike is someone who is very passionate. He continuously thinks of others and always tries to maintain some sort of peace. He is a quiet introvert and a perfectionist, doing everything with a 150 percent heart. For some reason though, he simply cannot seem to get a break.

When I met Mike, he was unemployed. He was trying to start up his own business. There were a few short comings in his attempt, which he did eventually realise. For any individual who wants to start out, you need to have some sort of plan. You need to have some sort of marketing strategy that will help and guide you so you are able to sell your skills more effectively. You need to really know how to sell. Mike realised that well into the journey. The only problem he was faced with towards the end was that he started running low on funds. He knew he needed to find a job.

During that same period we started dating. Knowing how strong headed I am, I placed a lot of pressure on him to sort himself out. He found a job a few months later. The job meant he was a mechanical project manager within the food industry. This is industry is cut throat. Customers are brutal in their demands. They never turn off their machines for any sort of maintenance simply because they need to meet a demand quota. This makes it extremely difficult to install multi million rand machinery. These customers would give the smallest window of opportunity for him to get things done. This included testing time as well. These customers would only allow a shut down for 2 to 3 hours. He had to try and get as much done as humanly possible in that allocated time.

He is also the type of person who likes to keep to himself. This means that he needs to constantly find some sort of balance between himself and the outside world. Taking this type of job was a huge challenge to his character building. He was the juggler trying to keep the customer happy, trying to keep the workshop happy, trying to keep the drawings office happy and finally trying to keep a highly non-social and highly demanding boss happy. His boss created highly unrealistic budgets using outdated prices and never consulting Mike. This was a highly stressful environment for him.



There were a number of reasons why Mike decided to look for a new job. He worked very long hours and did not receive an increase in the last two years. That was not the problem. The frustration came when he saw how the owners seemed to afford new houses and cars but never could afford to pay anyone increases. This kept occurring for the two out of the three years he worked there. However, in hind-sight, it was a VERY good and stable job.

He started searching again for another job two years into this job. It was tough, no one was hiring. Politically speaking no one was hiring a white man with a diploma. It seemed that the experience he had was not enough and rather the piece of paper stating the qualifications he had was more important.

Eventually, through someone he knew, he came across a company within the water industry. Mike has always had a huge interest in going back to water. He worked within this industry for a number of years before deciding to start up his own business. He went for the interview and tried to stay positive after all the rejections prior. He went and got the job. Things were starting to finally look up for us. He had far less stressful hours as a mechanical draughtsman. He finally started to relax at home. Our personal life started to be happier. This was good.

Towards the end of his probation period, his manager decided to work from home and thus become a contractor to the company. One of the other directors took over and started to make Mike's life difficult. It all started to smell very fishy. There is a saying in Polish (translated): "If you don't know what the problem is, the problem is usually around money". Well in this case we believe it was. This director mentioned that he was paid more than his other colleagues in the same position. After that statement, they extended his probation and the Director picked on every drawing Mike produced. They never gave him a chance to abide to their company standard even though it was not industry standard. They had no formal manual to give him that contained those standards that they kept alluding to. They never gave him deadlines. His deadlines were "As soon as possible." For some that can be a month, for others a day. It was so vague.

Mike did not last another month. He was eventually told to leave. It simply was not fair.

We decided that we would fight them on this and took them to the CCMA. If people can find a black side to themselves, this is where it happens. Mike was called a "Gold Digger". He was bullied and dragged through the coals. They threatened him with legal action for an apparent loss of contract due to not handing in a drawing on time. The mediator never intervened. Mike was so shocked and surprised. He was terrified at what these people could do and how much more could they ruin his and my life. In the end he realised it was simply not worth carrying on with this dispute and withdrew the case. He really had a good case, however if the inter mediator would not prevent intimidation, then not even Mike or the cabinet misters would have stood a chance.

I wish this story had a better ending but it does not. I went with Mike to the CCMA for moral support. I was so shocked and angry at how the events had turned around. I was extremely hard on him afterwards. All I wanted was for him to fight them, tooth and nail. I never thought of the consequences.

I now know that I should have been a lot gentler on him, instead. I never thought of him at this specific moment. Days later, I listened to his reasoning and had some time to process the information and I understand why he did what he did. I may not agree with his actions, but life carries on. This journey not only has rocks and boulders to climb over but somewhere in the distance there is bound to be a valley with the most beautiful flowers that would have made all of this worth it.

Wicked Witch of the West

The early morning music of the chirping birds, draws me out of my sleep. I groan and roll over, trying to fall asleep again, just to be pulled right back into reality through the jolt of the blaring alarm clock. I press snooze once, twice, many more times, before deciding that today is the day whereby I'm going to work late. (I work flexitime, so I can.) I turn off the clock and roll back over to sleep. At this moment, I feel that I can sleep the whole day away.

Alas, fifteen minutes pass and my body starts to protest to my decision knowing full well, that I should have been up hours ago. I get out of bed in a fairly "okeyish" mood; a mood that is calm with a hint of a humour.

The rest of the day progresses fairly uneventfully. The big boss is not in the office; always a good thing. The manager is not in the office; also a good thing, though I miss the big fellow. He is always entertaining to be around. He makes it worthwhile to come into the office. Work has always been "work" for me. It has always been the people that have always motivated me, but today's story is not about the office.

It's Friday, and for a Friday I leave fairly late the office and go home. My awesome man opens up the door for me (which is sweet) and we decide to go shopping. It is that boring, uneventful type of shopping....grocery shopping. Firstly, let me state that I'm not a shopper. I know this is a shock! A woman who does not like shopping, but it is true.




Slowly, this pleasant person that I was throughout the day, becomes a fire breathing dragon with the passing of each second at the grocers. The dragon begins to left off puffs of smoke with the continuous sounds that keep coming out of Mike "Oh I don't like this" and "I don't like that". I slowly begin to lose the control over the pressure cooker's lid.




We get home. I put on some music to create an ambient environment. My first mistake, I choose Def Leppard. Their music is anything far from chilled. I should have stuck with something from Lounge. Mike loves the music so much so, that the volume goes up by many notches. Second mistake. A headache starts to persist. I tolerate loud music, but I need to be in the mood for it. Today, is not the day, especially during dinner. We can not talk, and I was not going to shout. Final mistake, Mike tells me that we don't have to talk  each and every time during dinner...um...what if I want to talk...?

All hell breaks loose. I cannot explain why. Its not like I am in control of my body. All I wanted and had in mind was to have a quiet evening relaxing, with the man I love and some chilled music in the background, with maybe even a glass of wine. Instead, the wicked witch of the west comes out. It's in moments like this where I wish I still had my own space. I could drive away and be with myself, instead I place my poor man through my terrible mood swings. I never use to go through this before, or maybe I was never aware of it before. I do feel sorry for him. Each month he has to deal with this terror.

I try and pick fights for things that we should not even fight about. Everything starts to irritate me. I feel like a puppet master had turned on a switch and has taken control of my strings. I feel like the "dancer" and far from the "human". I cannot seem to stop.

The following day arrives, as if nothing ever happened. I feel more in control, and then the realisation of the way I treated Mike, makes me want to crawl back into my hole from where I came from. The guilt is terrible. I know I can't be the only woman out there that goes through this. I have always said that a person cannot blame hormones and one has a choice in everything they do. I know this in my brain, yet the body and mouth do their own thing. There must be a cure out there. I need to find that natural remedy that will help. I must find something! I must! Mike is too dear to me. And so the search begins, I'll simply........"Just Google It"!

Just Google It!

Moving House

A few weeks ago, Mike (not the real name) and I returned back from an overseas trip. We were exhausted and on top of it all I was highly apprehensive as I needed to make a decision about my future. As a woman, I require some form of commitment from my man.

I placed a deadline where he needed to make a decision.  That time had arrived and there was no decision being communicated. (I know this makes me sound like a b***h, but if you knew Mike, you would understand that he needs, how do I say this, a little motivation...)

Mike lost his job last year, and he was not prepared to make any formal commit to me, just yet. He has this idea that if he should ever propose, he should be able to provide for the woman. It's a noble idea, granted. Now that he was unemployed, how could he provide, and as such how could he propose. This left me with the difficult decision of do I stay or do I go? I can tell you that it's not the most pleasant of places to be in, especially since I love the guy.

Our first evening back in town, over dinner, we discussed the difficult situation I found myself in. We had been with each other for three and a half years. I don't want to be one of those girls that books are written about....you know the book of "He's Just not that in to you." by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I don't want to be strung along until he finds someone better.

He surprised me that evening. He asked me to move in with him. I was highly sceptical since the last time he asked me to move in, he backed out just as quickly.

I went silent, probably for the first time in my life. I listened carefully to all that he was saying. He wanted me to move in. He did not want me to move in because I would support him financially. He did not want me to contribute to his bond. He wanted me to move in because it was time to take this relationship to the next level.

I asked politely: "How long will this arrangement be for?"
"Six Months. If we can live with each other for six months then we should be able to live with each other for sixty years."

Being a guy who is not a romantic, I thought this was the closest thing to him being romantic.

He was serious! He does love me! He also wants to give me more! All I have to do is just be patient.

So the next day the move started. I started to bring around six boxes each day from my place. The amount that would fit into my car. The one thing I can honestly say is that I hate moving, as I'm sure many others do as well. All I wanted was for the move to be over and for life to continue, even though it had just started.

Not even a few days in, the stress started to get to me. The reality of what I was doing and the situation I was getting myself into financially, started to seriously dawn on me. As much as he protested, the reality was that I would be the sole provider for the next year (or the last six months of the year....) while he went back to studying and converted his diploma to a degree.

I was moving my entire house, with very little help, on my own and this was starting to seriously put a strain on me, mentally and physically. The fact that we stopped talking. We became distant physically as well. I was trying real hard to move on with life and to make it as painless for him as possible. He was busy processing the speed at which things started to progress, and everything else that was going on in his life.

All of this tension made me collapse. Thank goodness! Yes, thank goodness. It forced us to finally speak. It made us voice our concerns to each other. As we continued to talk, the stress started to ease. Once again we reconnected and felt close to each other again.

After a week and a half, all my things were in the house. Finally! All that remained is the unpacking of the last few boxes.

Throughout this whole experience, which has only been a few weeks into this new year, I can honestly say: "I have a HUGE amount of respect to all couples living together." I have also learnt that communication and compromise (from both sides) are paramount to making any relationship survive.

So here is a toast to communication.